Meaningful complaints about hotels usually aren’t about marble, thread count, or champagne. They’re about friction. People will forgive a lot if the room is intuitive, the basics work, and the hotel doesn’t steal time.
Luxury properties in particular have a unique failure mode: since they try to take simple tasks and turn them into “experiences,” they wind up turning light switches into a logic puzzle. The shower becomes an interface. Minibars become booby traps. And those things are the exact opposite of luxury.
Ultimately, a great physical plant can be ruined by execution and short-sighted cost cuts.
The core hotel product is:
From there you add food and beverage; services and courtesties like turndown with waters by the bed and treats and shoe shine; concierge; gym and pool.
But anything that fails on sleep – like too much light and lack of black out curtains (or curtains that don’t cover the entire window); lack of water pressure; a room that isn’t kept clean throuhgout the stay is going to mean that the rest of the stay fails, too.
Get the basics, and then avoid the mistakes, which are mostly frictions and things that rob a guest of time.
- “We’ll text you when the room is ready” and they don’t.
- “Your bags will be right up” while you sit waiting, unable to start your shower or unpack what you need.
- You email ahead about something basic (crib, extra towels), confirm at check-in, still end up calling again because nothing shows up. More broadly, service that requires follow-up (“ask twice”).
- Lighting controls that require a tutorial. This is a design failure masquerading as sophistication. Guests aren’t living the room for a year. It doesn’t make sense to learn a new system, jetlagged and in the dark. If the room requires a course, that’s a fail. Controls should be intuitive, and also for the shower and thermostat, too.
Ok, then there’s just stupid. Glass bathroom walls and “open concept” toilet rooms are not luxury. They’re a cruel joke on basic dignity.
And don’t actually lie to me. Don’t tell me you’re ‘trying to reduce waste for eco-consciousness’ by eliminating single use toiletries, ditching bar soap, and refusing to change towels. You’re saving money. I don’t mind this when we’re sharing the savings (offer me points) for opting into it. But let’s not pretend it’s virtuous, or that I’m somehow anti-Earth because I want Uber Eats trash collected from my room.
If you want to optimize for my stay:
- make sure coffee [and real cream] are available early
- don’t knock on the door when the ‘do not disturb’ is on (I may be off an overnight flight)
- don’t tell me my room is an upgrade when it isn’t
- have enough outlets, including by the bedside and the desk
- thank you for late check-out now don’t just say yes when I ask if my room keys were actually coded for it but please make sure.
These are, I think, pretty basic. They aren’t that difficult to standardize. It’s not a request for a helipad for my giraffe (and a giraffe-sitting service). It’s the basics of constructing a good stay, and ultimately for outperforming on average daily room rate as you deliver on guest expectations.
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